Being a Christian With Depression (A Repost)
I originally posted this on my personal blog, which has now been set to private, but I felt like sharing it after Stephanie McQueen's YouTube Video went up. I originally posted this shortly after Robin Williams was found dead by suicide.
Being a Christian gal who has depression in the family, and has battled it occasionally throughout life, I know that it can suck. It is one that doesn't care who it creeps in on... and it can sometimes be merciless. I can also tell you that with the right professional help (and sometimes along with medication) depression can be treated to a level that getting out of bed isn't a difficult thing, or even help get you through an entire day without breaking down into tears. The thing I don't understand about depression, other than why she is such a bitch, is the stigma that comes along with it within the Christian community. I had a few people when I was in my late teens/early 20s, & battling depression, who would tell me "Well, if you would pray more," or "You don't need medications, you have Jesus." While these things were possibly true, I've never been a huge prayer warrior, but me and Jesus were friends (maybe not the best of friends, I was a little mad at him for killing off my family in a span of three years) and I would talk to Him... but I never believed that that was all I needed.
I was put on Paxil when I was 14 (2002). I lost one of my best friends when I was 10 (Sept 1998).. not even a full year later another friend hung himself (July 1999). The following year (2000) my Papa was diagnosed with a rare form for Leukemia at stage IV. I didn't know what that meant at 12. He died a few months later.
Slowly after that, the next two to three years (2001-2003) my mother's family members were starting to drop like flies. Nana, she had Alzheimer's and caught pneumonia when she was in her 80s and passed away. Numerous uncles, aunts, and even some more friends... I watched my mom's family start falling away and naturally I thought death was coming for my mom. I blame that last part on seeing the Final Destination movies at that point and time. After a couple weeks on Paxil, I had some really bad side effects... shaking, insomnia, I was agitated at the stupidest things. I remember having a small break down in band and my friend Chris came to me and told me "We need to get you out of here," I felt like the walls were closing in and I just panicked. I tried Lexapro, and it was all right... but Zoloft was the one that worked for me.
My depression never really got dealt with... I had some other things happen while in High School, that dealing with all the death wasn't exactly on the top of my "Let's Deal With That" list. Instead, I put it off. I somehow managed to bury it for a few more years before something triggered a mild break down when I was about 19 or 20. I have a scar on my left wrist from where I had scratched it with a staple... or needle... I honestly don't remember... I then burned myself, by taking whatever I was cutting with and holding it over a lighter, then placing it over the cut marks. It started to get infected and I had to go to my doctor. She asked me what happened. Obviously, I didn't want to tell her it was self-inflicted. When I told her, she told me that I needed to see someone. I started going to a Christian therapist and was back on Zoloft.
I was never one who wanted to go into a room with someone that I didn't know and just start pouring out my emotions (and look at me now! I'm pouring it out over the interwebs...) but I went to him for about four months. I would write in-between sessions and I would notice things I would write that I didn't remember writing. I made this my therapy. I started to get the feeling from this guy that God was the only way I was going to get passed this; not medication, not therapy, just God. I would discuss things with him of course, but he wanted me to pray and over time I would be "cured"... this simply doesn't work for me, and it doesn't work for everybody. Maybe some people just need Jesus... maybe some people just need a pill. Everybody is different. There shouldn't be any stigma from the Christian community and nobody should be belittled. Things like "Oh, get over it..." or "Just go buy something, you know, retail therapy, it will help..." or even the dreaded "Why don't you just take yourself out like you keep threatening to? Just do it!" These are all awful things to say to someone battling depression of any form. Especially that last one. What if they had debated killing themselves? Some so-called "Christians" will even go as far as to say your depression isn't a sin but is somehow rooted in a sin you've committed and it's a form of "punishment" until you deal with that sin. This is all just a bunch of bullshit to tell someone any of these things.
Yesterday, the world lost a great man. He was a very important actor/comedian in my childhood. He was Mrs. Doubtfire... Jack... Peter Pan... and even Hamlet. He was Robin Williams. Actor. Father. Friend. Comedian. He was also someone who suffered depression and had even tried to get help. His battle got the best of him. That dark cloud that hangs around some people is real. Sometimes all people need is just love. A hello, a hug, or even a simple smile can be all that there is to make someone have a better day. It might even save a life... you never know.
I will leave you with this quote from his movie Patch Adams...
“You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome..."
Being a Christian & Having Depression...
(Originally Posted on August 12, 2014)
I was put on Paxil when I was 14 (2002). I lost one of my best friends when I was 10 (Sept 1998).. not even a full year later another friend hung himself (July 1999). The following year (2000) my Papa was diagnosed with a rare form for Leukemia at stage IV. I didn't know what that meant at 12. He died a few months later.
My depression never really got dealt with... I had some other things happen while in High School, that dealing with all the death wasn't exactly on the top of my "Let's Deal With That" list. Instead, I put it off. I somehow managed to bury it for a few more years before something triggered a mild break down when I was about 19 or 20. I have a scar on my left wrist from where I had scratched it with a staple... or needle... I honestly don't remember... I then burned myself, by taking whatever I was cutting with and holding it over a lighter, then placing it over the cut marks. It started to get infected and I had to go to my doctor. She asked me what happened. Obviously, I didn't want to tell her it was self-inflicted. When I told her, she told me that I needed to see someone. I started going to a Christian therapist and was back on Zoloft.
I was never one who wanted to go into a room with someone that I didn't know and just start pouring out my emotions (and look at me now! I'm pouring it out over the interwebs...) but I went to him for about four months. I would write in-between sessions and I would notice things I would write that I didn't remember writing. I made this my therapy. I started to get the feeling from this guy that God was the only way I was going to get passed this; not medication, not therapy, just God. I would discuss things with him of course, but he wanted me to pray and over time I would be "cured"... this simply doesn't work for me, and it doesn't work for everybody. Maybe some people just need Jesus... maybe some people just need a pill. Everybody is different. There shouldn't be any stigma from the Christian community and nobody should be belittled. Things like "Oh, get over it..." or "Just go buy something, you know, retail therapy, it will help..." or even the dreaded "Why don't you just take yourself out like you keep threatening to? Just do it!" These are all awful things to say to someone battling depression of any form. Especially that last one. What if they had debated killing themselves? Some so-called "Christians" will even go as far as to say your depression isn't a sin but is somehow rooted in a sin you've committed and it's a form of "punishment" until you deal with that sin. This is all just a bunch of bullshit to tell someone any of these things.
Yesterday, the world lost a great man. He was a very important actor/comedian in my childhood. He was Mrs. Doubtfire... Jack... Peter Pan... and even Hamlet. He was Robin Williams. Actor. Father. Friend. Comedian. He was also someone who suffered depression and had even tried to get help. His battle got the best of him. That dark cloud that hangs around some people is real. Sometimes all people need is just love. A hello, a hug, or even a simple smile can be all that there is to make someone have a better day. It might even save a life... you never know.
I will leave you with this quote from his movie Patch Adams...
“You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome..."
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